were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
now i know why i became what i already was.
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
