WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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