half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Randomize
