i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
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