Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
