We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
Randomize
