What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
Randomize
