i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Randomize
