just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Randomize
