Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
