Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
