I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
I have already put on my inside pants.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
