dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
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