I hate all girls vehemently.
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
I think I sprained my soul last night
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
