it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
Randomize
