shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Randomize
