I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
people are starting to question the shark bite story
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
