I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
You may now shotgun with the bride
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
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