at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
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