Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
Randomize
