I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
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