If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
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