either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Randomize
