Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Randomize
