community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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