maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Randomize
