Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Randomize
