VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
now i know why i became what i already was.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
Are we still banned from the library?
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize
