is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
