wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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