My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
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