There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
