She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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