So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
He uses pillows to masturbate.
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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