You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
Randomize
