I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Randomize
