i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
Randomize
