I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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