If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
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