im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
We have started to decorate penises.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
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