These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
Randomize
