so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
Dick very happy bro
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
