she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
Randomize
