As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
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