Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
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