are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize
