So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
Randomize
