Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
