your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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