I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
Randomize
