Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
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