his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
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