Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
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