Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
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