i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Randomize
